Restore Traditional Cleanliness

[A friend of mine wrote this following the vote on Prop 8 in California, and has allowed me to reproduce it here]

Bless God! The minions of hell scattered in defeat when California voters passed Proposition 8 on Nov. 4, 2008. God's power and glory are now defended by an amendment that restores traditional marriage to mean between one man and one woman. Almighty God has mobilized the civil powers through us, his obedient servants, to fulfill his unwavering will. Peace on Earth, good will toward men! His truth is marching on.

In spite of the good news this is no time for slacking off. Vigilance is needed now to confront the backlash of anger from our defeated foes. We must be prepared for immediate action, to take advantage of the popular surge of support we experienced in the final days before the elections. Therefore, we ask you to join with us to support a series of additional propositions, to be introduced into the next California election ballot, to further advance the will of God as revealed in his word, the Holy Bible. Californians have successfully restored the legal status of traditional marriage, now let us join together to restore the legal status of traditional cleanliness too!

Did you know that the Holy Bible explicitly condemns homosexuality only in 3 separate verses, yet it condemns ceremonial uncleanliness in as many as 113 verses? We already know from the Bible that God hates homosexuality, yet most people are unaware of just how much God hates uncleanliness too. But in his infinite wisdom God has shown us in the Bible. Let us restore traditional cleanliness as revealed by God to his chosen people of Israel nearly 3,000 years ago. Below is a sample from the Bible of Gods' view of traditional cleanliness:

• Anyone with an infectious disease is unclean. He must bathe, shave off all his body hair, and a priest must kill a bird and sprinkle its blood over the infected person seven times. Then like magic he will be clean! (Leviticus 14:1-7)
• Anyone with an infectious disease on his head must wear old clothes, he cannot comb his hair, and he must cry aloud "Unclean! Unclean!" and must live alone (Lev 13:45)
• Nobody may eat any meat from a pig, a rabbit, or a camel. These are all unclean (Lev. 11:4,6-8)
• Nobody may eat any insects that swarm, like bees (Deuteronomy 14:19)
• A woman who gives birth to a boy is unclean for 7 days (Lev 12:2)
• A woman who gives birth to a girl is unclean for 14 days (Lev 12:5)
• All clothing with mildew must be burned (Lev 13:50-52)
• Couples having sex are unclean and must take a bath immediately after having sex. (Lev 15:18)
• A woman is unclean for 7 days after her period, as well as anyone who touches her (Lev 15:19)
• Any clothing or leather with semen on it must be washed, it is unclean (Lev 15:17)
• A male who has a "wet dream" and squirts on himself is unclean until evening (Lev 15:16)
• A soldier at war who has a "wet dream" is unclean and must leave the camp until evening (Deut 23:9-11)
• Anyone who touches a grave is unclean for 7 days. They must be purified or else kicked out of town forever (Numbers 19:14-20)

It is obvious, from reading the above passages, that God cares a lot more about cleanliness than he does about homosexuality. As obedient servants of God we must continue spreading his ways into all the echelons of public life and government. We praise God every day that we live in a Christian nation founded upon the values of the Bible. God's wisdom is manifest and he teaches us with his Word. Sure, some of his commandments are obtuse and confusing. But fortunately it is not our job to question God's Word, it is only our job to obey it! Let us restore traditional cleanliness as God intended! Let us transform traditional cleanliness not as merely a personal preference; let's make traditional cleanliness the law of the land, just like it was during the time of Moses. By restoring traditional cleanliness we can restore God's favor with us, and simultaneously help avert natural disasters like earthquakes, tornadoes, and AIDS epidemics.

Too often couples having sex do not clean up after themselves. A constitutional amendment will change that. Too often clothing with mildew is not burned, it is merely thrown hastily into the trash. A constitutional amendment will change that. Too often women having a baby do not realize that giving birth to a girl makes them twice as unclean as having a boy; that's what the men who wrote the Bible say, so it must be true. Let's not argue with God about it, OK? A constitutional amendment will guarantee that every citizen of California either knows it, or suffers the consequences! Too often hungry people all over the world eat unclean animals and insects, like pigs, rabbits and bees. Sadly, our secular, liberal, and ungodly government has neglected laws regarding the eating of bees. A constitutional amendment will restore godliness to the land by teaching people not to eat bees, pigs, rabbits and camels. Too often military personnel away at war have wet dreams and cannot leave camp in time. A constitutional amendment can change that. We can build "clean haven" houses and a transit system for soldiers to recover from their sexual uncleanliness until evening. Too often men have sex with a woman during her period, failing to recognize how unpleasing to God it is. A constitutional amendment will change that. Too often people with infectious diseases try to clean themselves up a bit and comb their hair, trying to look presentable to an unsuspecting public. A constitutional amendment will change that. Too often women who are menstruating go to work, or go shopping, and touch everyone around them, making others unclean as well. It is no wonder, therefore, that God declared women unfit for preaching, working, or voting. This is not our view, it is God's view; go read the Holy Bible for yourself. What if a woman goes out to vote thinking it's been seven days already, but actually it's only been six! She could make the whole town unclean in a matter of minutes! A constitutional amendment will restore traditional cleanliness and restore traditional misogyny; it will keep women in their homes and prevent them from taking important jobs away from men. The ancient words of Bronze Age men -- who are no more intellectually sophisticated than a Talibani sitting on a pile of rocks and wiping his butt with his own hand -- cannot be wrong!

Dear friend, God has repelled the forces of Satan by helping Californians pass Proposition 8. We cannot let down our guard with the momentum in our favor. Traditional marriage is restored to the glory of God. Let us now restore traditional cleanliness! With your help we can.


"For the generations to come, if any of your descendants is ceremonially unclean . . . that person must be cut off from my presence. I am the LORD." Leviticus 22:3


P.S. I mentioned earlier that this effort is only one step in the campaign to restore God's Word in government. But many more propositions are in the works. Please take a moment to review them, and let us know which ones you would be willing to support. Thank you:

• A proposition to ban homosexuals from saving a drowning child (mouth-to-mouth would be too gross!)
• A proposition to ban homosexuals from breathing our precious air
• A proposition to ban homosexuals from becoming doctors or nurses
• A proposition to ban homosexuals from finding a cure for cancer or working in any scientific research field (we wouldn't want to owe them a debt of gratitude or recognize their indispensable contributions to society, would we?)
• A proposition to ban homosexuals from calling the fire department or the police
• A proposition to ban homosexuals from voting
• A proposition to ban homosexuals from driving in the carpool lane
• A proposition to ban homosexuals from celebrating Christmas